Some Christmas Cracker Jokes

Want to hear some really bad Christmas Cracker Jokes?

What does a tartan chicken lay?

Scotch Eggs!!!

What do you call a man who ties ribbons round sheep?

RAMBO!

What did Caesar say when Brutus stabbed him?

OUCH!!! (This was my favourite!)

Pa: 'I think I'll go down and send Nancy's young man home.'
Ma: 'Now, Elmer, remember the way we used to court?'
Pa: 'I hadn't thought of that. Right, out he goes!'

Why is a thief the most reasonable of men?

He is always open to conviction.

What's yellow and white and travels at 80mph?

AN ENGINE DRIVERS EGG SANDWICHES!!!

What is the perfect cure for dandruff?

BALDNESS!!!

What do you get if you cross four cheese sandwiches with a famous cathedral?

THE LUNCH PACK OF NOTRE DAME!!!

What do you call a man with a two way radio on his head?

ROGER!!!

Patient: 'What does the x-ray of my brain show?'
Doctor : 'Nothing!'

All about Eve: 'When a woman says she wont be a minute, she's
usually right!!'

'Have you reached your verdict?' Asked the Dublin judge.

'We have that, your honour. We find the man who stole the horse - NOT GUILTY!!'

Warden: 'Why are you fishing here? Didn't you see the notice?'
Angler: 'Yes, but it said 'Private' and I was too polite to read any further.'

What do you get when you put a cow on a trampoline?

A MILK SHAKE!!!

Customer: 'Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?'
(Wait for it :->)

Waiter: 'To me it looks like the backstroke Sir.'

So, wots the verdict? Good, bad or really awful :->

Use this address for mail: williams@dmu.ac.uk